You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
