im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
