I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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