I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
