i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
