Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
