I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
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Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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