How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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