so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
