I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
