do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
