If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
