dude i'm inner monologue high
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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