Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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