So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
