Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I think your dad took our porno
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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