If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
