your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
