it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
People in love make me want to vomit
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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