I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
