I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
