Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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