I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You took a bar mat shot.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize
