Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
