I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
