the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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