Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
