I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just tell him i said nine months
there's paper in my vomit.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Randomize
