he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
