He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
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Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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