So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
