We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
