Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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