Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
