I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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