you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
