I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
