I am midnight drunk by noon
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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