Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
