it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Do you have feelings for this penis?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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