Sponge bath it is.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
please come you make the beer taste better
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
