you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize