Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
