You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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