I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
