Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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