Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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