Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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