Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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