So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
