Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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