i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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