My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
