I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
