OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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