omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
