Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
