Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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