she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
