Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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