Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
