I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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