I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize