but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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