suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
