I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
