I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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