You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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