You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
