i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
