apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
