is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize